Have you truly ask for forgiveness to those who you have hurt because of love ?, Have you forgiven those who have hurt you because of love ?.
Very often we pay no attention to what really matters. We are blinded to the things that really mean nothing, to the aspects of what’s on the outside instead of what’s on the inside, by doing this we are only confusing ourselves, most importantly we are confusing our thoughts, our real true feelings. Then at some point in our lives we come and ask ourselves, did I really love them all, or was it just a simple physical attraction that I felt or had at the moment?.
Well, truth be told, I have never ask someone to forgive me because of love, none the less anyone has ask me to forgive them because of it. The woman’s I have dated I have lied too, I have told them that I love them but in reality I never did felt such a powerful feeling towards them. Yet I really was attracted to every single one of them, (physically). But can you really come out of your thoughts and tell a woman such a thing ?. No you can not. But why can you not, if they want you to be completely honest ?. Well, it is very simple. See, woman’s love to hear the truth but most of them can’t really deal with it, specially when that truth has something to do with their feelings and/or emotions. They will hate you for the remaining of your life simply because you hurt their feelings. I have a tendency of hiding, perhaps avoiding the catch of new feelings, but that’s only because I was hurt a lot, I guess is kind of a shield I use to protect myself.
You see, ever since I was a youngster I had some sort of view towards love, to me love was something unique in a way, it was something special, magical between two people, it was something that will bring some sort of light and brightness once two people get connected together. Like some say, “your better half”. Most people think that they can love more than once in their lives, well I don’t believe that. If you ask me, -I’ll say, you guys are all wrong. (But this is not a debate at all, and everyone has the opportunity to agree to disagree). And keep in mind that I’m not referring to the type of love that you get to feel for others such as parents, family, friends, etc. I am only reflecting this on behalf of the love that you feel to that special someone, (your partner, or how you prefer to call her/him). That love my friends, is something completely different, something very special, like I’ve stated before, something unique. You are only granted that type of love once in your lifetime and only to be given and received by that special someone. Some of us have had the opportunity of finding that special someone early in our lives and some of us later on in it, but always at the time that we really need it to find it. Now, there are some who spend their lives looking for that special someone and they get to the point that I like to call, (The Point of no Return). I call it that because they were just not looking, at least not in the right direction, this is were a lot of us are confused. We are confuse because we are focused, really focused, but in the wrong view, the wrong thing. We are so confused, specially nowadays with the word (like) and the word (love). Liking someone is kind of having some sort of attraction towards that someone. Loving someone is a whole deferent ball game folks.
I will keep repeating this because this is kind of my meaning of love. It is special and is magical, love is something that actually keeps you going. Without love there is no strength, no hope, there is nothing, better yet, no one worth fighting for, without love there is no sense. Love is the actual key for anything, everything and anyone. -What am saying is that without love nothing matters. Not your career, your job, your past time, your family, your friends and of course the number one and most important thing of this subject, your partner, or however you prefer to call him/her. If you don’t truly love them or anything you do, well, I guess you are just along for the ride my friend, (which by the way it is a fucking waste of a lifetime).
You need to find love in what you do and with who you are so things can work for the better. If you kind of follow this, you’ll STOP confusing the meaning of the words LOVE and LIKES.
Now to my apologies…
I will not mention names, but I will humbly apologize to all the woman’s whom I’ve dated, whom I’ve actually used and lied to in the name of love. Why in the name of love ?. Because it was just wrong, everything was just lies. I was selling all of them a dream, a dream I knew I had no intention of fulfilling, unless I found what I was really after. (I will really like and hope that every single one of them can get to read this). I apologize to all of you because I was being selfish, immature, ignorant and a whole lot of other things am pretty sure you all thought of me, plus I was just being stupid, but somehow I need it to do things that way because thanks to all that I just mention above, I am the man that I am today, all of you had help me grow in so many different ways and because all of you did that, is the reason I write today and tell all of you that I am sorry.
Sorry for all the lies, for hurting all of you, sorry for the maltreatment I gave every single one of you, for using the bad words I had used, for raising my voice to all of you, sorry for not listening, for not caring, for not wanting to spend time together, for denying a kiss, a hug when that was all you need it, sorry for pushing all of you away with my behavior, for walking out on all of you when you all need it me, sorry for putting down your self-esteem when I did, sorry for putting my hands on you in the wrong manner, sorry for the constant verbal abuse, sorry for making every single one of you think that you were the best thing that had ever happen to me, sorry for making you all believe that you was the most important person in my life, sorry for not giving any of you the time you guys were seeking or perhaps deserve, sorry for being arrogant, for not accomplishing what any of you would of wanted me to accomplish, sorry for not paying attention. At the end, I am so sorry to have show you who I really was at the beginning just to win your heart but then turn to an asshole just because. Forgive me for all this things and for not fighting for any of you, forgive me for not appreciating what I had in front of me at the time I had it, and I ask for your forgiveness because every single one of you was just too fucking awesome to me, (in different ways), but all of you were just too awesome, really fucking awesome.
I will like for all of you to understand that it wasn’t any of you faults, it was strictly mines, I was still in love with the person who I’ve come to realize is my better half, (my special someone). I was just too focused in the wrong things with all of you, not realizing I was hurting all of you, in reality I was just looking for the qualities she has, in all and any of you, to me she still the most amazing person in the world, and am sorry because I wasn’t valuing any of you for you, but just looking to see how can I replace her, I was looking for her qualities and her everything in all of you, but truth be told my intentions was never to have hurt any of you, because I’ve come to realize that every single one of you are special in different ways and have different things to offer that am sure any man will die to have. And even though I’ve got the outcome I probably deserve due to my actions and madness I hope that all of you or perhaps most of you don’t hate me, because I honestly do not hate any of you at all. This might sound a bit crazy but I promise and this is the absolute truth, nothing was wrong with any of you, it was all wrong with me, and even thought in some of the cases it has being a few years, in other it has being a few months, I’ve learn to love all of you, (in different ways), because of who you were to me, because of how you all treated me, and mainly, because of all the things you all thought me. Maybe I didn’t appreciated any of this from any of you at the time we dated, but believe me, nowadays I do, and I thank you all for it. Again I am so sorry and I apologize for my behavior towards all of you and for being maybe the only guy who has hurt all of you the way I did.
An my deepest and sensere apologies to Love itself, for using such a beautiful feeling in the wrong manner and also for using it as an excuse.